Small Steps
While its likely still too early to be writing an end-of-year post, Pharmacy Chick was pondering some thoughts about 2009. I am hoping that this year will go down in history as the year she made some life changes. Some were small, some were large, but each required some effort and a bit of faith to move forward, and while not all of them have fleshed out completely, they constitued a “start”.
1. Job Interviews. Its one thing to hate and whine about my job, but its another thing entirely to go out and seek another one. This year, more than any other, I did that. I went on 4 different job interviews. Before this year, I suffered in mostly silence (or in blog posts), sitting on my hands at the prospect of looking for a different job. Mr Chick believed my job was “better than I realized”, and I guess I kept hoping that the perfect job would land in my lap….and I learned they don’t. So far none of my interviews produced the perfect job but my most recent one gives me hope. I’m not going to trade the frying pan for the fire and I am not giving up. If this most recent one pans out, the Chick will be hopping off the retail train for an entirely new kind of pharmacy practice. It was weird going on job interviews, making a resume, and trying to impress somebody. After all, for the last 15 years, I’ve been beating recruiters off my doorstep, offering jobs nobody else wanted.
2. My appearance. Pharmacy Chick lost 20 lbs this summer. Nobody would ever describe me as fat, but over the last 5 years, I had inched up about 20 lbs. Oh, it would flux down a bit in the summer, but every winter it would creep up and peak at about 147 lbs. Its well within the normal BMI for my size, but I hated it. I had enough. An iron will and about 2 months later, I was standing the scale looking at that needle pointing at 127. I didn’t suffer the normal diet. I exercised more and I ate what I wanted, I only ate less of it. If I wanted 4 pieces of pizza, I ate 2. I still GOT the pizza, I just learned that if I expected to lose weight, I needed to eat more appropriately. This fall there will be no Halloween candy in the Chick house. Likewise, we are foregoing the Christmas baking. AND, if I get food gifts, I am going to take them to the lunch room and place them for everybody ELSE to enjoy. I worked too hard for this.
3. Mending family fences. I travelled this fall back home to visit my father. Travelling alone is a milestone for me. I’d rather not travel alone and this time not only did I go alone, but I brought my golf clubs, travelled to another city 2 and 1/2 hours away and visited friends. I rented a car alone, drove alone, and stayed in a hotel alone..also milestones for me. I also attemped to mend relationships with my dad and his wife. Life is too short for broken relationships. It was a timely trip and one that was fruitful. In the past, I likely would have just THOUGHT about a trip like this but never actually DO it. It felt free-ing.
4. My future. Part of the Chick has always wanted to return “home”. My home is in another state. Ive been in my current location for over 20 years but “home” is always someplace else. I dont know when or even IF I’ll make it back home, but I have decided to give me the option to do so. I am getting my lisence in my home state. Not exactly an inexpensive venture, I started the process last week. Once the paperwork has been submitted and processed, and I pass the Multistate law exam, I will be at least ABLE to work in my home state. It would be a good thing to be closer to my father if the need presents itself, because every time I go back to my home state I feel an ever strengthening pull for me to stay there.
I dunno, maybe its a midlife crisis…or a midlife epiphany. I am choosing to do different things…and MORE things. I dug out my piano books and threw myself into my music again. Its coming back slowly, but once again music echos off the walls of my house. I even got brave and asked to play our new church piano (a gorgeous 9 and 1/2 foot grand piano) on a day nobody was using the auditorium. I had a blast! I never would have done that! I would have just WISHED I could…
I found old friends on Facebook, or more specifically people from my past found me, and instead of ignoring them, I nurtured them into new friendships I hope to have for a long time. I rode a bike for the first time in decades (and enjoyed it) …and even rode as a passenger on a motorcycle ride! It was exhilarating, I didn’t die in the process and hopefully I’ll get to do it again someday.
If I want to try a restaurant and can find nobody to join me, I’ll go alone! And speaking of alone, I have decided I enjoy the silence of alone-ness now and then, and do not feel guilty about wanting to be left alone.
I am learning that NO is an acceptable answer to requests of my time and I don’t have to feel guilty for saying it. I have learned that its also perfectly acceptable to NOT answer the phone if it rings…its my house, my phone and my time. I found that even tho Mr Chick thinks that texting is lame, I happen to enjoy it and therefore I do it as much as I want with any friend who wants to. I have taken more pictures this year than I have in the last 10 years combined. Time is passing and I was sad when looked at my photos online and had a pittance to show for the last several years.
Step Step Step.
Yea they are small steps…but the ARE steps…hopefully in the right direction, because more so than ever…I am motivated to make some changes.